Funny Things to Say With a Speech Jammer

Public speaking can be a lot of fun, especially when humor is included. The use of humor to have an audience agree with your point of view can go a long way in convincing them that your solution is the right one.

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Funny and humorous speech topics –  for anyone who wants to talk about silly foolish, casual odd, infrequent rare, bizarre weird, aberrant uncommon, strange or crazy fun subjects. Modify the onliners for the best tailormade results of course!

In this article:

• List of Funny and Humorous Speech Topics
  • Persuasive
  • Informative
  • Impromptu

List of Funny and Humorous Speech Topics

Persuasive

1. Boys gossip more than girls do.
2. Should Trix stop its discrimination and make them for everyone?
3. Blame your horoscope for why things went wrong
4. Why you should never take on a food challenge
5. Breakup insurance policy should be invented
6. Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
7. Why men shouldn't wear skinny jeans
8. Vegetables have feelings – stop carrot cruelty
9. Camping: the fun and the not so fun
10. Why kids should make jokes in class
11. Why lying well can be helpful
12. Why I should marry Cameron Diaz
13. When nothing goes left, go right
14. Grown-ups are weird species
15. Blame your dog for things
16. Why getting lost is the best advice someone could give you
17. The reason grass appears greener on the other side is because it is probably fake.
18. In order to become old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
19. Yes, you should write that down, because you will forget.
20. We can lie but our facial expressions can't.
21. Life should come with background music.
22. Chocolate never asks stupid questions.
23. Sometimes when you need expert advice you should just have a chat with yourself.
24. In order to understand what life is all about you should hang out with a three year old.
25. The most dangerous animal out there is a silent woman.
26. We don't mean to interrupt people's conversations, it's just that we remember random things and get really excited.
27. Wouldn't it be great to have a six-month vacation twice a year?
28. Nothing sucks more than when you are in the middle of an argument and realize that you are wrong.
29. When you get older you will regret not taking all those naps as a child.
30. I sometimes feel that the internet could do with a sarcasm font.
31. Some of the bad decisions are necessary so you can have great stories to tell.
32. Sometimes you will need to keep a contact number on your phone so that you can avoid their nuisance calls.
33. How many times is it appropriate to say "excuse me", before you give up and nod instead?
34. A woman's "I will be ready in 5 minutes" is the same as a man's "I will be home in 5 minutes".
35. "We will see" means it's probably not going to happen.
36. Adults these days can barely do Math without using a calculator but are always claiming to have X amount of problems.
37. Being an adult is not an easy task.
38. Life feels very much like a test I didn't study for.
39. You are not weird; you are just a limited edition.
40. There is no need to sugar coat everything, we can't all be Willy Wonka.
41. Not everyone will like you and that is okay because not everyone has good taste.
42. Most people make mistakes five or six times, just to be sure.
43. Be happy, it drives people crazy!
44. Before you marry someone you should see how they react to slow internet.
45. Alcohol clearly increases the size of the send button.
46. We all need a day in which we can be just as useless as the 'g' in lasagne.
47. Those who say they slept like a baby have obviously never had a baby.
48. No, underarm farts are not an impressive party trick.
49. Why do we panic when our phones fall but laugh when our friends do?
50. Why do we remember all the things we forgot to do once we are in bed?
51. Stop telling people that your baby is 28 months old!
52. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
53. Why people calculate how many hours of sleep they will get.
54. What is it with men and remote control buttons?
55. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
56. It is probably wise to keep your Mom off of Facebook.
57. Clowns are scary and this is why.
58. The true list of Christmas gifts I would like to give my family.
59. Why Mondays should be banned.
60. It is not okay to be 30 and still live with your parents.
61. Men gossip more than women.
62. Stop bragging about being at the gym – nobody cares!
63. We can lie to the world, but not to ourselves.
64. You should never start your diet on a Monday.
65. By plans I mean I want to stay home and watch Netflix.
66. Why you should smile and wave when someone insults you.
67. If you are going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.
68. Some people truly believe that they know everything, do they think their name is google?
69. I wish the world would shock me by saying something intelligent.
70. Women shouldn't treat their faces like a colouring book.
71. Some people are so fake, that Barbie is starting to get jealous.
72. You are always entitled to your own incorrect opinion.
73. Do people expect us to take notes when they tell us what to do?
74. Just because it fits it doesn't mean that it actually fits.
75. It's okay, you can explain yourself out of compromising positions.
76. Auto correct could ruin your life.
77. Some people are all bark but no bite.
78. Why read the book when you can just watch the movie?
79. Growing old is mandatory but growing up is completely optional.
80. Money does talk and it usually likes to say 'bye-bye'.
81. The good news is that if today is the worst day of your life, then you know that tomorrow will be better.
82. Some of the best people out there are crazy.
83. Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone's garden.
84. Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it.
85. Daddy is the boss until Mommy gets home.
86. To avoid trouble, you must always cut a toddler's sandwich in the correct shape.
87. People often lie on a first date so that they can secure the second one.
88. Why wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.
89. Yes, actually you can have your cake and eat it too!
90. You should never be the party pooper.
91. Disney movies are great until they all start singing.
92. "Too busy" is just a myth.
93. Teenagers need to remember that not that long ago they use to beg their mothers to watch them poop.
94. Wouldn't it be great if when we took a long nap people would be proud of us like they are when kids do?
95. You know it is going to be a long day when your partner is upset about something you did in their dream.
96. Sometimes our greatest accomplishment is to just keep quiet.
97. Why Math feels like Mental Abuse To Humans.
98. You need to marry the person who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.
99. Touch a pregnant belly at your own risk.
100. If you mess with the bull you will get the horns.
101. Why exactly did 'that's cool' become 'that's hot'?
102. People must stop randomly using the word 'random' for everything.
103. How not wearing any makeup makes people think you are sick these days.
104. LOL is usually what people reply with when they have nothing else to say.
105. Why exactly is it called a crush?
106. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly in the end, why did it fall off in the first place?
107. The only reason why we should want to go back in time is to repeat the fun parts.
108. When we start to question if a word even exists.
109. Before Facebook I had a life.
110. Smile while you still have teeth.
111. Why laughter is the best medicine.
112. Three reasons why … (fill in your favorite cheerleader team here) will win the Superbowl this year.
113. Fainting for high school is pretty common and often not a sign of something serious.
114. Why rose is the best flowers' fragrance many women like.
115. Girls under 12 should not be allowed to wear makeup.
116. Wendy's / Burger King / McDonald's (choose your fast food restaurant) has the best service and consumer complaint codes of conduct.
117. My favorite Agent 007 James Bond is … (fill in the actor / actress of your choice here. Or do choose another movie hero for alternative humorous persuasive speech topics)
118. Design your own How Cool Are You test and persuade your audience to take it.
119. Seven signs that she is a real bitch type, and ways how to handle her.
120. Five requirements to be called a bestie by girlfriends.
121. Three symptoms that show you are definitely addicted to online quizzes.
122. Fingerprints are unique for every human.
123. Diet or regular drinks: it doesn't matter at all what you drink.
124. We should adapt the Chinese Calender / National Calendar of India.
125. We should print small fun items on our coins that symbolizes our nation.
126. What you should wear / not wear when giving a prom speech.
127. Presidential running mates are politicians who were not able to reach the top themselves.
128. How to get – more – Valentine Day cards next year.
129. Nomen est omen (latin for name is omen) occurs more often than you think.
130. Kung fu training skills should be mandatory for college and high school sports girls and women teachers.
131. Vampires and ghosts are only historical legend figures, nevertheless they have much impact on our society when it comes to superstition.
132. Thirteen is a lucky number.
133. Why there are so many kangaroo, wombats, sheep and koalas in Australia.
134. Why Rumpulstilskin is my favorite fairy tale.
135. People prefer a clean shaven face instead of a beard or mustache.
136. Dating someone who is much older than you are is the only way to date.
137. Love at first sight really does exist.
138. Lady Gaga has beaten Britney Spears.
139. Men like action and women like romantic movies.
140. Boyfriends must act romantic.
141. (fill in the title of the song of your choice) is the funniest song ever.
142. The Human cannonball stunt should be an entertainment event at our next campus event.
143. Jay Leno is funny because he has good joke writers.
144. Having a third arm is better than a third leg.
145. Leather belts with a large buckle look good on guys.
146. Experiencing the thrill of a Space Shuttle trip is too expensive.
147. Why it's a good idea to always google a person before you meet her or him for the first time.
148. Ten ways to use Twitter with fun public speaking purposes in a maximum of 140 characters.
149. Why many students rather text a friend than call her/him.
150. Bingo competitions keep grandmas off the streets.
151. Don't take life too seriously – and yourself 🙂
152. How to get rid of boring blind dates.
153. Blaming your dog for everything that goes wrong is an old way-out.
154. 99% percent of the blonds are not stupid at all.
155. How to annoy the passenger next to you on a flight.
156. The beneficial effects of smoking.
157. Some phrases you use to be funny but actually turn out to be boring.
158. Jerry Springerruined America
159. Dessert should always be served before dinner
160. Golf and Poker: Two things that should never be televised
161. Personal things you should always keep to yourself
162. Department stores shouldn't be allowed to sell ugly clothing
163. Why you should leave the marriage counseling tips to the marriage counselors
164. Facebookis ruining lives every day
165. Why the perfect husband just doesn't exist
166. Pigs have better manners than most men
167. Rain: It really does have a smell
168. Women are much better at handling pain than men
169. Why famous people must have a crew of makeup artists and hair stylists following them around all day
170. Why Subway is a total rip off
171. Totally useless professions
172. If only men spent as much time working on their relationships as they do focusing on sports
173. Parent fails
174. Why everyone wants a pet monkey
175. What happens in high school doesn't really matter all that much

Once you have chosen a topic, you will need to compose the speech structure. This sample of outline will help you getting started. The example topic is: "How to convince the teacher that a household pet ate your homework."

Start the talk by introducing yourself. For example, "Good Morning, my name is ____." Then, go for the "gold." Hit the audience with a statement or question that will grab their attention immediately. Another example: "Who remembers using the excuse that my dog ate my term paper?"

The body of the speech: Three points
Hopefully, with the audience waiting with baited breath, the time is ripe to hit them with three good reasons for them to listen to, and agree with, what is being said.

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1. Your sister's pet hamster died, and she needed a small piece of paper to wrap the body in and used your homework paper.
2. Your brother was making bedding for his pet gerbil and ran out of newspaper to cut into strips and used your term paper instead.
3. Your new dog has been trained to pee on newspaper on the floor, and your homework papers had slipped off the kitchen counter, and, well….

Closing argument
More than three points can be made, if indicated. But at least three points should always be used. To close your argument, summarize and end with a strong reason why the audience should agree with you. For example, "With the number and variety of pets available today, one does not have to use the family dog all the time as an excuse for not doing one's homework."

Informative

Reverse thinking and applying jokes are possible instruments for inventing lots of amusing and droll funny topic for persuasive speech tips and more expanded funny different from standard or daily norm hints and clues for rationalistic speeches.

1. How to make fun every day in life.
2. The unusual and abnormal working of Murphy's Law – if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.
3. Chasing idle dreams is a good habit.
4. Unexpected disasters that can happen.
5. Absurd and laughable job applicant stories.
6. How I choose friends far away and maintain those relationships.
7. People with mediocre talents have success and high talented people haven't.
8. Why my – any funny speech topics – looks cooler than the… of my neighbour.
9. Rare speed limits and the reasons why.
10. When I resign, I will …
11. My fantasy jokes and humor multiplier x factor
12. My motto: I'm flexible by indecision.
13. Ways to remember birthdays on the presents you got.
14. For her / him who doesn't have to do it, nothing is impossible.
15. How to give your dog or cat a pill.
16. Why men are proud of themselves.
17. How to cheat poker the nice way.
18. Why I don't want to be a millionaire.
19. Eating flowers is possible.
20. How to determine you are addicted to the Internet.
21. Wine / beer / cocktail of the month.
22. How to be a charming host at any event.
23. Demonstrate tasting wine in a waggish way.
24. If I was my boss, then …
25. Happy puppies make humans happy.
26. How to deny reality.
27. Ten fun things to do during exams.
28. Urban running acrobatics.
29. 10 ways to order pizzas and make the Italian food restaurant owner crazy.
30. Your guides to life are angels.
31. How to throw a paper airplane in class.
32. Ten things you've learned from your pet.
33. Personal bloopers are great funny topics for a speech.
34. My most profitable mistake.
35. Funny computer terms and phrases.
36. What women really say when they talk to men.
37. Answers on the meaning of life.
38. Funny holidays in other countries.
39. How foreigners must sound when speaking to natives in their language
40. Card games that hardly require any skill
41. What my dog would tell me if he could talk
42. What the popular kids are like 15 years after graduation
43. Words that are hard to say while drunk
44. The best cures for a hangover
45. The truth about bromance
46. Where did swear words come from?
47. If our children had to deal with the computers we had back in the day…
48. The worst nicknames you've been given
49. A time when you were glad you were you
50. The male brain vs. the female brain
51. What to do if you're being hit on by a complete weirdo
52. The advantages of being a woman
53. The advantages of being a man
54. The things women go through just to look pretty
55. If men had a menstrual cycle
56. Does anyone ever clean public restrooms?
57. How one dog had 101 Dalmatian puppies
58. How to create a new word that other people will actually use
59. How to boil water
60. How to get fired in less than 24 hours
61. How to create monsters out of your children
62. How to train your cat to be like a dog
63. How to be remembered in high school
64. How to make lemonade out of lemons (figuratively)
65. The art of pretending to listen when your spouse is talking
66. If women had mute buttons
67. If men were more emotional than women
68. Why babies act very similar to drunk adults
69. What to do if you burn the turkey at Thanksgiving
70. The ugliest fashions of today
71. The newest slang terms and what they really mean
72. What men really think about women
73. What women really think about men
74. My worst road rage stories
75. PMS: Because men have it too
76. The dumbest thing I ever did while drunk
77. As a kid, I thought I knew it all. Boy, was I wrong
78. A day at Spencer's
79. So, what do people really think when they see your 1,001 selfies?
80. Best pranks to use on your spouse
81. Why kids are lucky they are cute
82. The best and only way to make your kids leave you alone
83. Why I could never be a doctor
84. When baby is left with dad all day…
85. How incompetent people manage to make it through the day
86. Review the challenge to find mentally strange funny speech topics in 24 hours.
87. Women marry much younger men.
88. Bare funny facts about men.
89. Funny facts about women.
90. Rules men wish women knew.
91. How to become a rat and make a fortune.
92. Funny first date experiences.
93. A true story that ain't be true in the end …
94. Unusual incidents.
95. Helpful pinball strategies.
96. Reveal the real names of celebrities.
97. Extreme golf courses around the world.
98. How to cope with a Feng Shui consultant.
99. Hidden subliminal messages in songs.
100. Funny names, name meaning or nomen est omen.
101. Top 5 most stupid questions and answers.
102. Clean jokes that are safe for the whole family.
103. Optical illusions in art, also called trompe-loeil.
104. Fun houseplants in your home.
105. How to decorate a really weird Thanksgiving table.
106. Time capsules you like to find.
107. How to discover who send you a Valentine card.
108. Moving Christmas lights that drive your neighbours crazy.
109. Criteria for a childproof X-mas tree.
110. How to attract hundreds of birds in record time.
111. Unique nativity scene figures.
112. Strange New Year resolutions.
113. Cliches, figures and any text to speech that should be banned.
114. What dreams mean.
115. What to do on a desert island.
116. Top 5 bad business slogans.
117. What I like to invent for mankind.
118. How to pretend to be a good international exchange student.
119. What to write in a message in a bottle if you're trapped on an island.
120. Things to do in a traffic jam.
121. Kids should get more pocket money.
122. What do I have to do to receive free chicken?
123. Imagine your life as a grandpa / grandma
124. How to be lazy like a pro
125. What teachers do when they're not teaching
126. Ten ways to annoy your parents
127. Being the oldest/youngest sibling
128. How to feed your dog your homework
129. If video game characters were real
130. Why did the duck cross the road?
131. How to looks smarter than you are
132. A narrow escape from trouble
133. It was an unusual friendship
134. Eating things you don't like
135. Fear of 12th grade
136. Getting water from a rock
137. Zombie protection
138. 20 weird-sounding words and what they mean
139. The worst holiday ever
140. If you ruled the world
141. Fun with super glue
142. How to catch a cold
143. Short girl problems.
144. I am not anti-social, I am just selectively social.
145. Things only people that wear glasses can relate to.
146. How not to get a date.
147. What not to say on a first date.
148. A snoring partner costs you a few years of sleep in a lifetime.
149. What we can learn from animals when they are looking for food.
150. Why people look like their dogs.
151. Three ways to write the best gift card for birthday parties.
152. Five ways to keep going a boring conversation at a cocktail party.
153. How to act like you are an earth-friendly person.
154. Tricks to remember names when you forget them all the time.
155. Ways to live on the cheap spending as little money as you can.
156. How to drive unwanted visitors crazy by painting a psychedelic wall mural.
157. Women want bright-colored, funny and worthless goodies as a gift.
158. Do's and don'ts when visiting a new mother and her little newborn crying out loud baby.
159. Being rude is the only way to get off telemarketers.
160. Tips to take toll high ways or bridges without paying a penny.
161. Let others pay your holiday trips with the perfect collect call strategy.
162. Decorating your college apartment with a low budget according to the latest furniture fashion trends.
163. How to handle well-meaning people you do not like and try to avoid by all means.
164. Effective optical cleaning methods for your home shortly before your parents arrive.
165. The ten commandments in a restaurant boys and girls room.
166. How to drive the baby-sitter crazy in one hour.
167. Tips for choosing a practical lunch box, and above all a cool one.
168. Behaving requirements in a chique restaurant when having a dinner with your parents.
169. Ways to re-use stickers that are not sticky anymore.
170. Odd shaped ice cubes in a snap in the coller fridge at home.
171. Three fun games to play at beach without a ball.
172. Sleeping a night in the backyard with a friend.
173. The funniest amusement parks you have been in your life.
174. How to design your own personal placemat.
175. How to be the perfect gentleman or lady.
176. 10 things you better not say in court.
177. Fun things to do on the first day of class or the last day of the high school season.
178. Words that are hard to say when you're drunk.
179. The advantages women think of being a man.
180. Humorous names you can laugh about.
181. Why women say they hate sports.
182. The 3 biggest lies on the work floor.
183. New York City driving rules explained.
184. Inappropriate Christmas gifts.
185. 10 ways to irritate a telemarketer.
186. What are the signs you have had enough to drink.
187. 10 ways to freak out your roommate with special dorm room supplies.
188. How to train a cat, or dog or other pet to show fun tricks.
189. How to make pictures of a new puppy.
190. Why nerds rule our society and not creative artists.
191. Why you shouldn't give marriage advice or marriage counseling tips.
192. How to reach your goals with humor.
193. The story of the perfect husband.
194. Gift wrapping tips for men.
195. How to prepare fancy meals using only frozen dinners
196. Why men are so terrible at wrapping gifts
197. If you want to know the truth about yourself, have a kid
198. Why Donald Trump doesn't invest more money into his hair
199. Funny things kids say that adults couldn't get away with saying
200. The dumbest things American criminals have done
201. Topics that aren't meant to be discussed in public
202. My guiltiest pleasures revealed
203. Things you shouldn't say while on a date
204. How to confuse a telemarketer
205. Things no one really knows how to do/say
206. If I ever met Will Ferrell
207. The dumb things my cat/dog/pet does almost daily
208. How to pull off taking a "sick day" after your sports team loses miserably
209. The meaning behind some nursery rhymes
210. The dumbest thing I've ever done
211. The cool way to clean up doggy doo-doo
212. My thoughts about Napoleon Dynamite
213. How to find the penny your baby just swallowed
214. The weirdest names celebrity parents have given their children
215. Why you should never call the number on the bathroom stall
216. The most embarrassing thing I ever wore
217. What to do if your blind date is a horrible failure
218. Surefire ways to get out of a speeding ticket
219. The difference between Taylor Swift and Kanye West

Impromptu

Many writers have joked about speaking without a script in front of groups or answering questions without any preparation. They are right.

Think about it: when your professor asks you toprepare an impromptu; well, it seems to be a contradictio in terminis, a funny contrast in terms.

More than you presume. Why don't you study these task verbs and prepare yourself better than the rest in your class? In general, the more convincing and relaxed a motivational speaker performs without a text to speech, the more she or he has anticipated at home. And that's often the case.

1. Analyse –> Examine closely pros and cons of dating by means of a sugar daddy website. Do write with humor, otherwise choose other good funny impromptu speech topics.
2. Argue –> Provide evidence that something is in and not out in fashion.
3. Assess –> Determine the value of a Moon property certificate. Yes, they really exist in the real and also virtual world. And people tend to pay for it too 🙂
4. Compare –> Discuss the quality of a being humble instead of yelling a way through life.
5. Contrast –> Differences between women and men in dating habits.
6. Criticize –> Judge the daily television weather forecast.
7. Define –> Make clear what The Meaning of Life is, according to Monty Python Brian in the movie The Holy Grail.
8. Describe –> List the do's and don'ts for a man during a romantic dinner for two.
9. Discuss –> The against of a fantasy resume at LinkedIn.
10. Enumerate –> Present the steps to simple life.
11. Evaluate –> The usefulness of uselessness homework assignments. One of the favorite persuasive speech topics of my daughter 🙂
12. Explain –> Make clear why we do fart, and why it's healthy.
13. Illustrate –> What does illustrate mean in the context of a funny impromptu speech topics assignment?
14. Interpret –> The value of horse racing stats for gamblers.
15. Justify –> The end justify the means no matter how unethical or immoral, ahum 🙂
16. Outline –> How to make a funny cartoon character of your professor or public speaking instructor step-by-step.
17. Prove –> Inventing a time machine is possible …
18. Review –> Describe critically a hangover the day after you had a party.
19. Summarize –> Principles of funny tv advertising commercials.
20. Trace –> The effective step-by-step method to make studying a bit more fun.

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